Again

No sooner did I post today did the bitty come home in tears again. This time, she feels outlawed by her sister. In my opinion this kid (the sister) has been over coddled and brainwashed into believing she can walk on water. Hear me out before you think I am cruel.

She since birth was treated like a porcelain doll. My daughter was instructed to steer clear of her as a concern for her potentially hurting her. As funny as i found that I did think it was ludicrous  that her father even allowed the other mother to enforce this. As the children began to grow up with the limited time that they spent together it was hard for them to begin to formulate a bond. My bitty started school first and the sister 3 years behind her - had expressed difficulty with the attention not being on her. So when Bittys dad would try to help with homework or watch her at Taekwondo the sister made it impossible. The methods she uses to pull her dad from her older sister is full blown kick down drag out tantrums. I am talking blood curdling screams, jumping, latching and stomping. Until he focuses on her, then she is calm and in his arms. Leaving my daughter to have to figure it out herself.

From there, the clear difference in parenting style shows in the mannerisms in the children. My daughter takes me seriously, she may press her luck and try my patience - but when she gets the look......her halo goes back on. The other is defiant. And loooooooooves the word no, especially following the request or direction from an adult. My daughter - angel, I mean ANGEL in public, the other uses it as a stage to display her lack of respect for authority, to the level where their dad had to stop taking my daughter to Taekwondo on his days because he couldn't "handle it".

YOU GOT PUNKED BY A 5 YEAR OLD BUDDY. get it together.

Bitty has to take a back seat to trying to get her sister on track. Their dad has to spend so much time having corrective action with  the one child, "preventative" action with the toddler that the older more capable child is in the shadows. Forgotten about.

Had parent one and parent two been more proactive with discipline and structure the other child probably wouldn't need as much redirecting. My opinion.

Where my feathers get ruffled is when my daughter comes home with her face withdrawn, i ask whats wrong and she runs into my arms crying about how her sister hit her in the face with a doll and her father didn't defend her. That was tonight. We spent 45 minutes talking about how her sister makes her feel and how "daddy doesn't do anything" How she is expressing an inequality between the children and her daddy shuts her feelings down, saying that she is just being a tattle tell. She says that he will often just say it is hard with 3 kids, (what she actually said was - daddy tells everyone its hard with 3 kids)

WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WOULD GET EASIER??!! get it together.

So now there is a three way battle with in myself on how to move forward. The 30 something in me, the mature(er) me and the momma grizzly bear are trying to figure out how to handle it.

With my daughter my strategy was hold her till the tears stopped. Then I sat her down and we talked. She is articulate beyond her years, I used words like, How did you handle that? Did you talk to your daddy about it? What can he do to help? I wanted her to understand how important it is to communicate with her father - and how important it is for her feelings to be heard. I also wanted her to start developing the abstract thought process in problem solving.

It helped I think, she hugged me and said all she wanted to do was be home with me - because she knows I will always keep her safe and listen when things happen to her.

My mind after reprocessing that hopes she feels the same as a teen. And even more as an adult.

Please if you have input, thoughts or similar challenges - share them with me. This is just my petite perspective - but I would love feedback from YOU!

~day dreamer