Shocked.

So I have had to re write this post a few times at this point, in order to find the most sensitive and meaningful way to address this.

I found out that my daughters 14 year old cousin is pregnant.

I have plenty of words to use to explain how I feel about this. But with respect to the fact that we are speaking of a minor I will try to be as gentle as possible.

Let me preface this with this this young lady has been in a state of crisis over this past year - her mother threw any form of family into the trash after ending a 15 year marriage with her husband and disbanding her 3 kids from all they have known. She went from boyfriend to boyfriend moving like a gypsy until her and her 3 kids moved back into the parents house.

So now Bittys grandparents are hosting both adult children and their off spring a total of 4 adults and 6 kids. (I call the house lovingly the open door mission) To say the least there is absolute chaos as of right now.

For identification purposes:

lets call the teen          TIC (teen in crisis)
the mother                   FAL (failing at life)
paternal grandmother  PGM
paternal grandfather    PGF

TIC decided to start smoking over the summer - FAL and PGM were the ones supplying tobacco products to the TIC. We will call that strike ONE, further TIC was allowed to stay unsupervised over the BF's house - was not regularly attending school. Do I hear a strike TWO and THREE?!

-pause-

Why did all 4 of the adults in the house hold allow this to happen? Good question.

So, Bitty comes home giving me all the salacious details of TIC and FAL just struggling with life and of course I immediately urge her father to take notice and to restrict my daughter from spending time with the TIC. His response was typical in his ways of passiveness = "but they are cousins, what am I gunna do?"

Be a parent and say no. Say that the 6 years in age gap and the unhealthy life style makes it inappropriate for them to hang out. It wasn't until I gave an ultimatum that he decided to take action. Pretty much you say something - or I say something, and IF I have to say something my delivery may not be warm and fuzzy. The good news is that he has seen my latin temper and knows better than to let that happen.

This past Saturday I go to PGM's to pick up a few things that I had ordered and there was a distinct look of concern on her face so I sent bitty away to have an adult conversation and that is when she dropped this bomb that this just turned 14 year old little girl is pregnant. I was disgusted and nearly in tears. In disbelief that NO ONE prevented this. Educating her about sexual health, prevention and respecting her body. Further the fact that not one of the adults in her life advocated for her to stay on the right path, that they turned their head and looked the other way as she skipped school - that she had the opportunity to be alone long of enough with this boy enough times to actually get pregnant.

I advised that under no circumstance is this to be discussed with my 8 year old daughter.

To my disappointment her Bittys father already knew about it and didn't feel the need to let me know. Possibly because he knew that I would burst into apocalyptic flames and give him the I told you so speech on how Bitty and TIC should not have a "friendship" or "hang out"

All weekend it was the only thin on my brain, how they should be ashamed of themselves and how this little girls life is over before it even started. The success rates of teen moms and relationships surviving - is microscopic - its a up hill battle. She cant even work to earn money to pay for a child, she cant even provide for herself. Granted she has not had a strong role model in her life over the past few years, but I feel with full conviction that SOME ONE could have done SOMETHING, her parents, two sets grandparents, aunts and uncles, guidance counselors - his parents. ANY ONE for GODS SAKE.

Monday night I called bittys father to come top an agreement on how this whole side show would be handled. I asked him to control the time that Bitty interacts with FAL's other kids, especially with the holiday coming up I just am not ready to talk about this over such a magical time. His response in his typical passive ways:

"I cant."

Ok, well I guess I will just have to stop at your parents house and have that conversation myself. When I arrived PGM warned that FAL would get aggressive and that it may not be a good idea to talk to her buuuuuuuut - I have never backed from a good challenge and I turn in to a bit of a grizzly when it comes to my child.

The conversation was equivalent to talking to a dead fish. FAL was unimpacted by anything being said. She did not acknowledge the severity of the situation or respect my wishes for it to be privately handled. She then tells me that my 8 year old already knows that her 14 year old is pregnant. My face fell. and I was LIVID. I berated her on how irresponsible and disrespectful that was considering that she didn't find it important to let either of the 8 year olds parents know.

Her response was that she was busy.

You don't work, you aren't parenting.................what are you possibly so busy doing??!!

Bitty hasn't said anything to me yet. I think the questions will come up later when the TIC starts to show. But I just don't want her to see it.

I don't think that it is a healthy influence. and I will not settle for it.

but, that's just my petite perspective - what do I know?

- day dreamer