The Candy Canes?

Fa la la la FLUMP

I decked my halls a few weeks ago. Super excited about my first Christmas in the Self - Love - Shack (meeOWW)

Well. Some little ill informed teenager.......remember how I mentioned that stage of life where some of us where incapable of making good decisions. This is that moment. See how I refrained from slandering the minor. ::curtsy::

The little turd buckets stole ALL 9 of my LIGHT UP mother fluffing candy canes. N I N E. First of all, do you realize how much effort had to go into pulling each little Wal Mart red and white curved pieces of plastic and the stakes from the ground? Also discretely pulling it from the extension cord. Clearly this was not their first Cane Heist. I mean PROFESSIONALS.

Coffee in hand 6:30 am on a Wednesday morning my rescue puppy and I head out for our morning walk. I look to the left and I say out loud - "Man it sure is dark out here, why is it soo dark" I stood and stared for a bit while I waited for my brain to reboot. Thinking to my self:

It must have been pretty windy last night - I think my candy canes blew away! No lie - hand to the sky - I said that like an idiot. After I was done laughing at myself I was IMMEDIATELY ticked off that some one took the time to steal MY CANDY CANES.

First of all lets all acknowledge that it would have had to been a Micro-burst OR hurricane force winds to blow away the beloved candy canes. But for a minute - my 6:30 am brain thought it to be possible.

So now - I had to break the news to my daughter that the candy canes have been forcibly adopted by another family - she hits me with:

"Why would some one steal Santa's Runway!" After that one settled in. I assured her that the 21 garden path lights that I have out there would be sufficient for Santa to safely land his sleigh.

I told everyone that day the tragic story of how even Christmas decorations are no longer sacred, apparently everyone else already knew this. Driving home from Tae Kwondo - every lit candy cane stood out to me like they were mine, My dear semi innocent daughter THEN hits me with:

(please sit, and don't judge)

"Mommy, why would someone do that - I mean really - our candy canes?! Douche Bags"

My eyebrows did that wrinkly thing like......did i just hear that? Did she just use DB in a sentence PROPERLY? After a quick gasp of shock that my beautiful, semi innocent, very smart, often respectful 8 year old used such colorful language in the proper context no matter how inappropriate.
I told her that at her age that was not something that she wanted to run around saying especially if she did not even know what the word means.

That only prompted her to ask what it meant.

"Dirty baby, it means dirty"