I spent tuesday at family court with my daughters father. I have been in my home for 7 months on a single income. Over the summer I requested just $10-15 dollars more a week in child support to help with expenses. He conveniently said no.
Putting the matter on the back burner, I did the best I could with what I had, used my credit cards as necessary - cut each penny into little 4 sections and stretched them as far as I could. In November I realized that I truly needed just a little more help from him. I didn't have my former spouse to help me anymore. After a conversation with the court deputy I decided to file for an addendum to our support order.
She opened my eyes to the gaps in my case. I was exasperated.
At my highest income I made 47% more than I make right now. Maybe you want to know why I would leave such a good paying job........I never saw my family. I was a retail store manager and worker 60 hours a week. My daughter was growing up and I was missing all of it. I decided to take a position with a highly respected company, and accepted that I would make significantly less. What I was gaining though you just cant put a dollar sign on.
Then I took on the task of separating from my spouse and becoming a single mother again. My company offers 401k and pension from day one, healthcare and life insurance from DAY ONE. Looking at the overall compensation package it made better sense long term for me. Buying a home saved me well over $400 a month versus renting. Please trust that I did not shoot the gun before loading the bullets.
Bitty's father makes $78,897 annually. to offer some perspective it is 4x's as much as I actually bring home after taxes and deductions (401, hsa, etc) I sped to that sooner than I wanted to. Lets rewind.
After parking in the Hall of Justice I walked nervously through the garage and to the elevators. Once you get into the atrium you can smell the stench of urine and body odor. Getting into the line to go through security you are in a sea of people. Some are speaking to their attorneys or their entourage of support. To the right you can see inmates lined up shackled at their ankles and hips - marshalls flanking them on either side.
I am familiar with the process so I make sure to come in with next to nothing. Just my required documents and some valid ID. Listening to people complain about taking off their belts and hats and what they are going to after this "bullshit" I stood stiffly in my business attire and modest heels. Feeling as if I was in a foreign country. Making it through security I thanked the officers and grabbed my file heading to the second floor. I made sure to collect the last bit of information and sat in the bench by the courtroom.
Our case was the first called and we sat in the same places in front of the same judge as we had 7 years ago. My heart beat was so loud you could probably had the stenographer document the sounds. The judge dryly reviewed the case and grounds. She requested our income statements and financial affidavits, I kept a straight and blank expression smiling only when appropriate and finishing every answer with a yes ma'am.
I answered my income questions with confidence, my hourly rate and 32hrs worked a week. When the judged asked why I wasn't working 40 hrs a week I explained that I was a student and that I also needed to be able to care for my daughter. She asked about healthcare coverage - and I had to prove that my daughter was covered under my plan. That was the button that turned the heat on her father.
"Mr. Paternity, you were granted a variance on the prior order - but it was stipulated that you maintain health care for the child - is the child covered as part of your plan currently?" asked judge.
"Well no, without my knowledge my daughter was removed from under my healthcare in 2014"
"And how exactly do you think that happened sir?"
"Probably her mother removed her!" he stated.
My head just about snapped off of my shoulders and I glared in his direction. The good thing is that I didn't even have to say anything because the judge quickly shot down his ridiculous claim. It is not possible for me to cancel someone else's policy. I reserved the fact that he called me in 2011 and told me he could no longer afford Bittys insurance so I put her on my plan - I was making 50k annually and I could afford it. $365 every two weeks. YOU DO THE MATH!
After the health insurance cluster they read his financial statement. As they read his income, my heart sunk with every number.
"Mr. Paternity as of your paycheck on 12/12/15 you made $78,897 this year"
This man has Boo-Hoo cried over not having any money to live, he lives with his parents and see's his children 24 hrs a week.............HOW?!
I am over here trying to pay my mortgage, car payment, utilities, garbage, water, insurance, fuel, food, daycare on one quarter of his income. My daughter is well cared for, well loved and has an amazing life no matter how complicated it is. I in some naive mind wished that he could just be thankful that his daughter has a nice home, room and never goes with out. I wished he would thank me for doing such a great job raising a well rounded, smart and creative soul. Instead he complains - about how terrible HIS life is. How little HE has.
I just cant stomach it. It doesn't make sense to me. And I feel foolish for putting weight into things that he has told me in the past, how he only acts with integrity - etc. Yet he lied straight to the judge and for years to me over the phone or in passing conversation.
Because Mr. Paternity had a snarky comment after everything the judge had to say, she recommended that he consult and attorney and invited him to trial in February. I allowed him a 37 second head start leaving the court room because I knew I couldn't even stand the sight of him. Since then I have had trouble sleeping because I was starting to feel like I was failing. That I was being irresponsible with my funds or assets - but I really am doing the best that I can with what I have.
I could get a second job, and I have thought about it - but then I risk what I tried to avoid in the beginning putting a company before my daughter. I promised her that it would never happen again, and I mean it. I will figure it out. Probably the hard way - but I will, I always do.
~daydreamer
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