Desires

What makes your heart skip a beat? Is there a sight or smell that can trigger the chemical reaction of something that you want?

Desires can be as clean or dirty as you want them to. They are specific to each individual.

We can desire  for our children to do the dishes with out having a heart attack - we can desire for our partners to just know what we are thinking for once!

As I began on my journey it has taken me this long to start thinking about what my desires were, and to be honest when I first started - all I could come up with was what I did not want.

I had to begin to start to think about what I did want ~

I enjoy time by myself so, I desire autonomy.

The sexiest part of person is the level of conversation they can hold, I desire intellect.

So far I have described a long distance telephone relationship. I think its a start.

But seriously - ask yourself, what do YOU desire. If you know - ask yourself if you are getting it, and if you don't know ask yourself what it would take to get it! bommmchikkawowooow

Despite the large group of us that say we don't need or want anything. We do. Its human nature. I have always been a motivator pushing people to raise their standards, to push themselves to raise their personal bar. The other day I stopped and thought when has someone ever inspired me to raise my bar?

This survivalist attitude that I have had all of my life has pushed me to a point where I do not allow someone to inspire me. It is difficult for me to let someone in to the point where they can push me to raise my bar.

So, I discovered that I desire - someone that will motivate ME to raise MY bar.

Notice for a moment - my desires are all psychological/emotional. That is because the physical side for me is 100% driven by the mental. If you can not stimulate my mind - you will not have a chance at stimulating my body.

As a result. I have decided to become a Nun.

Not really but, I am sure you understand what I am saying.

It is like learning how to walk again. Letting my soft side come out (if there actually one in there) and letting someone else take the lead. I laughed out loud just thinking about that. Wish me luck. I really probably am not even ready for all that yet. Lets just see what happens. If I can embrace a softer side of me.

hi!

Its time for tea, its time for me.

9:07 pm......Bitty is in bed, homework is done (across the board - hers and mine). The second job has commenced and I don't hate it - I enjoy the music and the guests, however I don't really know how I feel about my coworkers.

I think there is a stark contrast between my real life and my restaurant life, life in the financial institution is a bit more rigid and organized - life in the service field is kind of crazy and aloof. We opened while being SEVERELY understaffed to accommodate the business and availability. There has already been 100% turn over for the bar and the busser.............its fiiiiiiiiine. Really.

Every shift its like meeting a new friend because that person wasn't there the time before. The only thing is I am constantly having to reintroduce myself to people. OH Hi yes, my name is - who are you? When did you start? TONIGHT OMG great welcome to the team! (whispering please don't quit)

I know I left you hanging for a bit there last month but I promise I will get back on track and you can hear and read all about my antics.

Tomorrow we are going to talk about DESIRES!

Don't miss it.

-daydreamer

Dating

I had some one ask me if the gym was a meat market - my normal sense of humor answered

"In the sense of the heavy population of meat heads.....yes"

Apparently the gym is the new club and there are stories of love and lust that have stemmed from curls and thrusts. (rhymes 2pts) I clarified for my associate that yes there are people who go to grab the attention of others. For the most part I am blind to it because I am so focused on attaining my own goals, that I can not be concerned over some one googly eyeing my ass or not.

My policy has always been look but don't touch.

Boys, and men a like - you must learn to be more discreet. It is socially acceptable to glance, it is creepy to stare. Further I assume that you have all passed puberty and it is probably not the first or last time you have seen a female, or a female wearing shorts, or leggings. Get it together.

Ladies, please. Do not get upset when the little boys come undone when you walk in with underwear on. You have ALL of OUR ATTENTION. Mission accomplished. There is one female in particular who spends more time fixing her hair and snapping selfies than she actually spends on the varies machines that she sits on.

She is very pretty yes, body - nearly perfect........hair - freshly flat-ironed, sneakers new - tank - spaghetti strapped and cropped - leggings tight rolled down to emphasis on the V by her hips and the fact that she has no underwear on. Seriously - no drawers, ever. LIKE WHY?! I am not going to lie - she annoys me. Mostly because I USED to have her body when I was a teenager lol and not a mom - but also because she occupies space a gym where people are trying to build bodies like hers that she effortlessly flaunts. ok, Im over it. For now.

Ok, now that we have not established anything in relation to the title of the post - I can substantiate that yes, the gym can be a meat market, a dating source and a place to advertise your ASSets - I had to.

ONLINE DATING, Has EXPLODED. What seemed like a last resort for a person looking for love has become a very popular way for people to meet. It seems like there are sites for all kinds of people looking for all kinds of love(rs) Farmers, Old people, Christians, Catholics, Young people, etc.

How does a person decide when they are ready to start dating after an ended relationship? Is it gauged by how lonely one is? A rebound? How much growth has become since the separation? I think that is entirely up to the individual and what they hope to achieve.

How you go about it can be personal as well. There is no right or wrong way to date, I take that back - I am sure there are some wrong ways to date.

A friend of mine said to me a few months ago - "You should start dating" and I burst out laughing, "No freaking way! I am not ready for that, that's not what this is about anyway" their response was "I'm just saying, do it now - before your too old" I thought about it, part of me agreed - and then the other part of me realized I am having way too much fun being selfish with my time, my bed, my house, my daughter - I do NOT want to disrupt that. Besides I have a lot more to achieve before becoming "someones" again. And not for nothing I don't even know what I want out of a spouse to even begin thinking about someone fitting the mold. pppffft date. yeah right.

What I would like, is conversation, art, museums, laughter, tea, peace......I am ready for that and nothing else.

~daydreamer

Home Owner Probs

We are ....what... 8 months into home ownership. Life was bound to start happening I suppose. Please excuse my dishes in the sink. My dishwasher is just for looks because it doesn't ACTUALLY work and the pipes under the sink are turning my cabinet into an indoor pool.

I hustled over to Target and scooped up a "dish pan" to start doing my dishes in the tub. Judgement free people. Judgement free. Of course in my normal way I wandered through the whole store in record time and picked up a few things like 70% candles and a MOS (mark out of stock) throw blanket, and cat food. Come to think of it that was actually WHY I went to Target - the cat food........not the dish pan - that was an "after thought".

Just a hint though way off topic.....scan EVERYTHING at Target - when an item goes MOS, that means the store was supposed to send it back to HQ, when that doesn't happen it gives the consumer (you and I) the opportunity to score items up to 95% off - no lie. WHHHHEEEEWWWW.

OK, here is the symptoms of my pipe problems. Periodically the sink will make a thudding noise when the facet is turned on - after a few googling sessions I have found the term "water hammer".....some called it a pressure issue, some called it air in the pipes  - fact of the matter is I have no IDEA and it is really starting to have a trickle effect of more issues, pun INTENDED.

Prior to the water hammer. I managed to kill my garbage disposal - apparently its not actually equipped to handle lemon quarters - so my efforts to disinfect and freshen were, we will say - counter productive. WHO KNEW. Once the GD died I started having issues with the water draining from the sink and located a leak where the dishwashers waste tube was attached prior to me owning the home. I had a my guy (associate, colleague, contractor) he tightened it up and we were good to go for a bit. I still had to plunge my sink from time to time and the dripping stopped momentarily.

Fast forward to NOW - hmmmmm. I have the hammer, the leak AND the slow draining. I started having challenges plunging the sink - and soon water was making it to the kitchen floor because of the leak below. Currently the Tri Fecta of OH CRAP. No, I can't find anything on youtube.com that helps me because I feel as though my problems are slightly unique to their "diy" informationals.

My guy wont be back from vegas until monday(ish) so I will wait until he and his guy can come over and fix me up! Once and for alllllll. And I literally CAN NOT wait until I can replace the dishwasher and the GD. No more having to plunge the sink, twist the arm of an eight year old to help with the chores around the house, because loading a dishwasher is absolutely the easiest thing to do on the entire planet.

Oh those will be good days! I can see it now!

~daydreamer

Check Up

Tuesday I had my first Dr apt in nearly a year. I have to re-certify for my meds periodically. So anyway, the last time I weighed in (march 2015) I was at 151, jumped my self on that scale and I was down to 138! That is excellent progress.

My doctor was really impressed with my skin, eyes and weight  loss - she commented on how I was beginning to look like myself again! My skin and eyes are much brighter since I quit drinking and started to take control of my health.

We began to review the panel of blood work that I had done way back in November, most everything looked GREAT. Except she forbid me to eat the yolk of an egg until there is "concrete evidence" that it is a healthier choice, - OK! - Where it was a little shaky was when we got to my liver function. My levels were 4 times higher than in 2011 (the last time I had blood work) and although they have come down significantly presumably from before I quit drinking her recommendation is if they do not come down by at least half in my next panel that we will have to do an ultra-sound to check in detail, the function.

By no means was this a death sentence but it was a clear snap shot of the damage my lifestyle had done to my body.

I drank more alcohol on a regular basis than my 4'9" body could handle - I am not against drinkers, or alcohol......I think that social situations and casual cocktails are great.......how ever when it is abused and over used it can have devastating impact on our bodies and minds. That was my case, and I think because I never really saw the physical impact my lifestyle was having I never really understood how far off the path I really was.

As happy as I was with my progress, it really was kind of saddening owning the path that I was on. It also gave me steadfast motivation to keep the momentum going in the right direction. We are granted only one body, I want to get the most mileage out of mine! I acknowledge that I have an addictive personality and am susceptible to forming habits quickly whether healthy or not.

When I was a teenager I was abusing drugs with my high school boyfriend. Its funny because prior to him I was a walking anti drug commercial, after I fell under his spell it started with casual pot smoking and progressed to ecstasy and cocaine. I as an ill informed teen tried to fit into his world. I knew in my heart that it was a problem and that it was wrong but we were too busy being in "love" and beating each other up to really stop. Until I did. He didn't. So I left. I left the black eyes. busted lips and rails behind. I am better when I do things cold turkey. When my head and heart say its over. Its over. 3 years after that I became a mother and there was definitely no looking back at the person that I used to be.

The alcohol was a hiccup. I am ready to leave that person behind too. 2016 the year of the Best Me yet.

~day dreamer

Word Play (draft)

Untitled

There was a girl with a light

lit within as bright as can be

but after the sunset

 darkness was all she could see

People never knew or saw

what was inside

never saw her with out a smile 

much less ever see her cry

The battle was with in

every single day

still she carried on for all time

in her intoxicating happy way

BIG BAD BUDGET

Ok friends so - I have, after several minutes figured out how to translate a Excel Sheet into something that you can view! There are many great resources online that can aid you in building your budget. By simply googling the topic you are immediately flooded with free (and pay for) resources.

Personally I used:

https://www.consumer.gov/content/make-budget-worksheet

After using the sheet I saw that there was a $225 deficit in my budget. That of course did not make me very happy but what I did was take an immediate inventory of where I could cut the fat. I also took a minute to brain storm ways to create additional income.

I have procrastinated on renewing my cell phone so that I would not have to be under contract anymore and free to do as I wish as a cellular consumer - however with my ex is still on my plan so I have not exactly figured out how to pull that trigger. In reality going to a prepaid service would save me well over $50 a month! I have not and WILL NOT put cable service in the home, and it is very rare that we go out to eat. In the event we do I found a restaurant where KIDS EAT FREE with the purchase of an adult entree <3 In Love <3

My utilities have been under moderate control by setting my thermostat at 63 degrees and stocking my living areas with throw blankets and slippers. On our beds I have flannel sheets and 2 blankets - this I found has kept up very cozy at night and during lazy weekends.

I NEVER pay full retail! and this has helped me with shopping for things like clothes and groceries. I am also very flexible with WHERE I shop. I am not above thrift stores or grocers like PriceRite or Aldi's. Goodwill has a 50% off a color tag each week and this is where I can really score with clothes for work, my daughter and home goods.

So you know I racked up some serious credit card debt in 2015 and I found a system that I really like to to pay them off. The image I have included is an example of the plan for 2016 - I have to say after I reviewed it I decided to pay off 1/2 the cards balances with a portion of my income tax and then proceed with what they call the "Snow Ball Method" the reason behind my decision to do that was driven by how long it was going to take me to pay off the higher balance card.

In 2016 I plan to rid myself of the credit card debt, ensuring I enter 2017 with a clean slate. I am preparing to budget for a plan to purchase a Washer/Dryer - Dishwasher/Disposal and Deep Freezer for the basement. I have also created the mentality to ensure I do not rack up unnecessary credit card debt! This past year was expensive but moving forward the cards will be used as a last resort and credit building basis ONLY.

As I continue to play with numbers I will keep you all in the loop and hopefully if you are finding yourself in the same boat I am, what you read will inspire some creativity.

I also have found a second job to fill my idle time. Yes because I am bored stiff with nothing to do. But I found a little serving gig that should be able to bring in an additional $250-300 monthly. This additional income will help relieve some of the deficit that I am currently facing in my budget and help keep my head ABOVE WATER. The greatest reason that I am choosing this particular venture is that it has the least amount of negative impact on time with my daughter. DOUBLE WIN.

Another way I am working on producing additional income is by selling things that I no longer want/need/have room for - these items are posted online and at local consignors.

The final method is using my creativity for PROFIT, more like starving artist at this point but I am SURE my time will come. I have set up an online boutique and as I build a collection will begin to sell my works on the boutiques site! 

So here is the big IDEA:

1. Cut the fat

2. Shop Smart(er)

3. Pay it DOWN

4. Budget Wisely

5. Make a littler more

6. Get creative

7. Don't get discourage (ever!)

Repeat steps 1-7 as many times as necessary to achieve your financial DREAMS!

~day dreamer