Politically (IN)correct

This is a scary time to be an American. A patriot. The type of American that still believes in civil liberties and the fair treatment of fellow humans regardless of race, religion, creed, sexual orientation or gender. Yet the leader of the “free world” is encouraging our government to do exactly that.
Some Americans were energized by his radical beliefs and promise to put an end to crooked politics. But I fear that energy may have just set us back over a hundred years.



This animalistic belief that too many cavemen in our cave will reduce the “necessary” supplies for our families – is ridiculous. Using the reference to cavemen is to help you see the brutal and dangerous ignorance. I want you to envision the uncivilized grunt jumping and screaming to protect what we would call a fridge now. Nor will it keep us any safer. I assure you I am more likely to get hurt at my local shopping mall by some 20yr old kid with a chip on their shoulder than some jihadist slitting my throat in my sleep.



The Great Wall of China, the Berlin Wall one thought of by an emperor…... something like 210 years BEFORE CHRIST.  The other was built 15 years into the cold war. Yet here we are talking about building a wall to keep Mexicans out. There is plenty of everything for everyone in this country. There are jobs, they may not be the highest paying or the most glamorous but there are jobs. There is FREE educational resources. There is not ONE immigrant past, present or future that is taking from YOU or YOURS.



Have we forgotten altogether what being American means? We are a melting pot of races, genders, religions, body shapes, skin colors and professions. We are the home of the free and the brave. We have a monument that asks for countries to: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"



For the first time in American history we have a political leader going against everything this nation has ever stood for…..and the audacity of any breathing, bleeding American citizen to support that…..YOU are the decedent of immigrants. We all are, you know who isn’t? Natives….Tribal - aboriginal peoples that IMMIGRANTS slaughter around Thanks Giving time. (think of that when you carve your turdukin next year) They have the right to stand up and say – ‘well you know what guys we tried that before and it was almost genocide.’  But they are not, they are actually having to fight for clean water – insert DAPL. That will be a whole other discussion at a later time.



My point here people – be conscious. Fully – fully conscious. The White House is not a place for Hollywood reality TV, for hatred and oppression. The White House is supposed to be for the brightest and bravest, leaders NOT dictators.



For this first time since the civil or revolutionary war I believe our country is on the horizon of some very scary revolt. Each side is convinced that their way is the right way – and neither is ready to compromise. Immigrant families are scared that their homes will be torn apart, non-Christian/Catholics are scared that their faith will kill their American dream. Radicalism calls to build a wall and deport individuals, question anyone who doesn’t fit the American mold – but I revert back to a previous statement – America is the melting pot.



Yes we have a national language – it’s not AMERICAN either! English historians state, was derived from Germanic Tribes as they immigrated to England.

That’s all for now – wake up, stand up and never back down.
~daydreamer

Well, Hello 2017

Well Hello 2017!

Here we are friends we have made it to 2017! Some of us may have more bumps and bruises but you are HERE. You are above the ground and above the water.

Where have I been?....


Plenty of places I didn't need to be. Dark places that I have often tried to escape from. But nearly a month in and I am doing all right. We have some real work ahead of us - however I promise we will get through it together.


I have gotten back on track with my health and wellness. I did phases - 1. no more alcohol (again) 2. eat RIGHT (food is fuel) 3. Work OUT (beast mode)


More tea, more music, more rest, more peace! MORE SELF LOVE! (or at least TRY)

There was a point that the thought had crossed my mind that dabbling with the idea of dating would be FUN. What an absolute joke. I have heard the "I'm single, but really I am in a 3 year co habitation relationship" "I think I am going to try to make it work with my ex" "I love talking to you, am attracted BUT I am not feeling dating" "I am not interested in hooking up, I want to get to know you" - then never actually calls.

Is that real? Is that what I have to look forward to as a single, vibrant, challenging, ambitious female. WOAH. No thank you. I scaled back my efforts of "growing my social circle" Because apparently having coffee with someone is the equivalent of a marriage proposal.  All I am really looking for is some one I can sit across from and be enchanted by their journey. The good and the bad. Tell me.

So, even though my personal endevours(spelling) may be grim - my professional growth seems to be on the right track. My passion for the community and helping people has landed me a spot on the program team. The outreach efforts and proactive education of our consumer seems to be heading in the direction that we all wished it would. I have been able to set up some incredibly opportunities where my presentations will hopefully grow our communities bankable efforts.

and then the sleepy time tea kicks in - good night.
~day dreamer

So Quiet .... Yet so loud ....

I have been away for a little bit. Not really sure where I am going or even if I remain on the right track. I have lost my grip on this amazing future that I had saw for myself.


I work like crazy and I internalize the energy around me. This feature of my spirit drags me down. The weight of concerns of those that I care about hold my wings from spreading in the manner that I wanted them to in the beginning - I lost the fight.


I will not lose the battle. I feel like I am no where near where I should be and I gave up on the goals that I thought were so clear to me.


My attention drew everywhere other than where I should have been. I need to re focus. I need to recharge. and regain control.

The Girl Who Needed No One

The girl who needed no one.

She’s so strong
I don’t know how she does it
She speaks not of emotion
Her peace she covets

Her head is always high
Her heart never wonders why

She’s so strong
I don’t know how she does it
She speaks not of blame
Her peace she covets

Her eyes are always dry
Her smile never wry

She’s so strong
She doesn’t know how she does it
She speaks not of emptiness
Their peace, she covets

Because, they think she is so strong
She can’t let them know – she wasn’t.

~daydreamer

Shutter **GRAPHIC**

I don't even know where to start with this one. I was shook up today - pushed to tears and not over the usual.

I drove past a fatal accident today. A road that I have traveled probably a thousand times claimed another life today. I passed the state troopers, witnesses and involved vehicles - the mass in the middle of the road covered by a bloody white sheet.

The road was littered with blood and fragment of flesh.

I have never seen anything like this, in my entire life. I was immediately shaken up. I tried to breath and calm my heart but I could not fight the tears. I didn't know how to address it with my daughter and thankfully her brain doesn't understand the images that she takes in with her eyes.

We got to target and I stepped out of my car I told her I needed a minute. I sat on the tailgate for a minute took a few steps and then sunk to my knees.

There is a family whose life was just changed forever.

This person was loved, the impact of the loss ripples. Immediate family, neighbors, co-workers......all by a split second that took this life away. Witnesses, passer-bys, we all have the images burned in our eyes. Forever.

I couldn't handle it.

I finally had the courage to check the news. His name was Charles Valone 59. His wife was there. He was making arrangements with a tow truck for his daughters disabled vehicle.

I can not even imagine.

Single People??!!

Philadelphia Can you HEAR ME??!!

I went on a SPLURGE trip to Philly on Memorial Day! What a GREAT time to go to a BEAUTIFUL CITY. First off the drive was really not that bad but, my Garmin knows I am a cheap ass and took me all toll free roads which I am pretty sure doubled my travel time. Could possibly be exaggerating lol.

I get to my hotel the HOTEL MONACO PHILADELPHIA which is a 10 star in my books from the moment I pulled up in front of valet to the time I loaded up and headed back home impeccable customer service.

My bell boy was actually from my hometown so he threw me the flour city and offered “vip” which we all got but HEY it feels good to hear.

My plan was to sleep for a couple hours when I got to the hotel because I woke up at 4 am to get ready for the drive! But I was so inspired and energized by the city that I threw my luggage in took a sponge bath changed my clothes and hit the pavement!!

I walked FOR HOURS. Ate dinner and hit the pavement again. Cities look different in the day and in the dark. No matter where you are….the time of day will influence your interpretation and experience.

What I will say is that single people do not exist. I guess the city of love is real. Single males…….nope…….Single females…….NEVER…. Lesbians were like trolls.

Hidden under bridges and camouflaged in straight bars and hang outs – leaving one bi sexual female like myself in the cold ALONE.

It wasn’t my objective to meet and hook up – but MEET for friggan SURE – I have been in one CITY my whole adult life socializing with the same pool of individuals as 600k other Western New Yorkers. I am ready to broaden the horizons – network amongst the 50 other states!

I was approached by your usual – beggars, observed a homeless man sleeping by a parking garage and astounded by the breathtaking architecture.

Some of the main roads in Philly are still the original cobble – which feels like driving on the surface of the moon – BUT really beautiful to see. It felt weird to take pictures of the row houses and brownstones because people actually live there and I would be annoyed is people walked around my neighborhood snapped pictures of my house. So I exercised restraint, but I found myself closing my eyes and imagining the servant quarters and carriages carrying city dwellers through the grid. 

There was a main door and then there was a tiny door near to the basement that was meant for the “help”. Early politicians and decision makers that created this country roamed the same streets that my gladiator sandal dawned feet stormed through like a true tourist. I walked the city from day to night – I listened to the changes in sounds that came at 1 in the afternoon and one in the morning. I tried to imagine Betsy Ross designing the American flag for our early troops and the signatures being laden on the constitution.

I loved the lack of chain restaurants and big boxed commercial retailers. Local economy to the 10 degree. True Culinary Masters and creative souls from the homeless to the millionaires.  

Philadelphians are Philadelphians – proud of the heritage and history held with in the cities limits and passionate about food, whiskey and freedom.

I recommend a trip, a regular visit or residential trek to Philadelphia Pennsylvania.

Pulse Check

So far off track – I had made so much progress – and yet I regressed lol. Like liquid movement I guess. Flowing in and out as does the ocean – reaching further and at times receding backward! 

I have gained half the weight I lost back…….thanks to my lack of dedication to the gym and over indulgence in sweets for my birthday.

Exactly no one to blame BUT myself. I guess I am just still learning – and I haven’t yet made it to the place where I am headed. So I push on. Further and further.

I have developed a theory that in order to not remain or become again the person of the past – that you must be cautious not to fall in the habits again of those days that you had thought you left behind…….. I think it can bring you right back to the first point in which you started.

When I first separated I had this surreal feeling of peace…….I was meditating, taking supplements, exercising lol …. I lived in the gym ahhhhh the good old days …….

Slowly I allowed myself to become complacent. Set aside my new healthier habits and picked up again my old ones.

   

So now, 10 lbs heavier and allowing myself in indulge in alcohol again…….face to floor.

Alcoholic or no?

I have no idea….One morning I will wake up and say YES you have a problem, one afternoon I will be like – NO you just ENJOY it and that is OK!

Who chooses when it is or isn’t a problem? Is there a magical percentage, amount, frequency anything that can tell whether or not it is a problem?

I can tell you I do close to nothing that I was doing last year and this time and everything I wasn’t. 180. I need to refocus, recenter, and reevaluate. I have come too far to go back again. 

<3 life is a process.

~daydreamer