Pulse Check

So far off track – I had made so much progress – and yet I regressed lol. Like liquid movement I guess. Flowing in and out as does the ocean – reaching further and at times receding backward! 

I have gained half the weight I lost back…….thanks to my lack of dedication to the gym and over indulgence in sweets for my birthday.

Exactly no one to blame BUT myself. I guess I am just still learning – and I haven’t yet made it to the place where I am headed. So I push on. Further and further.

I have developed a theory that in order to not remain or become again the person of the past – that you must be cautious not to fall in the habits again of those days that you had thought you left behind…….. I think it can bring you right back to the first point in which you started.

When I first separated I had this surreal feeling of peace…….I was meditating, taking supplements, exercising lol …. I lived in the gym ahhhhh the good old days …….

Slowly I allowed myself to become complacent. Set aside my new healthier habits and picked up again my old ones.

   

So now, 10 lbs heavier and allowing myself in indulge in alcohol again…….face to floor.

Alcoholic or no?

I have no idea….One morning I will wake up and say YES you have a problem, one afternoon I will be like – NO you just ENJOY it and that is OK!

Who chooses when it is or isn’t a problem? Is there a magical percentage, amount, frequency anything that can tell whether or not it is a problem?

I can tell you I do close to nothing that I was doing last year and this time and everything I wasn’t. 180. I need to refocus, recenter, and reevaluate. I have come too far to go back again. 

<3 life is a process.

~daydreamer