I have been the New girl, the Old girl, the OOOOOO girl, Transition girl, the OTHER girl. Before you judge on that last one, it was a long time ago. OKAY. We all have skeletons.
Most of those - ok all of those I will never be again.
Coming up on my almost full year of separation I have decided to amend my dating procedure.
The plan:
Go slow. Like really really slow.
Be open. Not like a revolving door but not like a fortress either.
Definition of slow : we are taking it back to the term "courting" eh-..? yeah! I like it. This can be accomplished by - exposure to various social situations, subtle interactions. Building a foundation built on friendship and companionship first. After a year or so of courting, the relationship can commence. ( I am pretty sure you all think I am nuts at this point but hear me out)
Our society has gotten so used to instant gratification. We thrive on the newest, the fastest and have forgotten the beauty of taking our time. We have to eat fast, think fast, drive fast......meet, fall in love and update your relationship status on social media. I am in no hurry. The right person for me will have the same ideals.
What about sex?
What about it? There is sex on every billboard, radio station and tv channel. Its time to dial it back. Sex yes is great. But - its so readily available on every street corner that it holds no value anymore. There is nothing "special" "intimate" or "exclusive" anymore.
So, My experience being the girl who helped get a person over their ex - never worked. It killed my soul mostly because I was always second guessing my position in that persons life.
Being the other girl was VERY short lived as it weighed on my conscience as a terrible thing to do to someone, especially having been cheated on. I was in a weird place in my life at that point.
The New girl was ehhh, after things loose their sheen its hard to say!
The OLD girl though - teaches you to stop rereading chapters lol. Leave it where it was.
And trust that I have become too old to be the OOOOOO girl anymore. Oh my goodness. Never again. I know Justin Beibs said never say never but I just have to with that one.
In my selfish little new journey - I am a ME girl. I will let you know where it goes, if anywhere.
~daydreamer
Behind
Monday, February 15, 2016
Desires
What makes your heart skip a beat? Is there a sight or smell that can trigger the chemical reaction of something that you want?
Desires can be as clean or dirty as you want them to. They are specific to each individual.
We can desire for our children to do the dishes with out having a heart attack - we can desire for our partners to just know what we are thinking for once!
As I began on my journey it has taken me this long to start thinking about what my desires were, and to be honest when I first started - all I could come up with was what I did not want.
I had to begin to start to think about what I did want ~
I enjoy time by myself so, I desire autonomy.
The sexiest part of person is the level of conversation they can hold, I desire intellect.
So far I have described a long distance telephone relationship. I think its a start.
But seriously - ask yourself, what do YOU desire. If you know - ask yourself if you are getting it, and if you don't know ask yourself what it would take to get it! bommmchikkawowooow
Despite the large group of us that say we don't need or want anything. We do. Its human nature. I have always been a motivator pushing people to raise their standards, to push themselves to raise their personal bar. The other day I stopped and thought when has someone ever inspired me to raise my bar?
This survivalist attitude that I have had all of my life has pushed me to a point where I do not allow someone to inspire me. It is difficult for me to let someone in to the point where they can push me to raise my bar.
So, I discovered that I desire - someone that will motivate ME to raise MY bar.
Notice for a moment - my desires are all psychological/emotional. That is because the physical side for me is 100% driven by the mental. If you can not stimulate my mind - you will not have a chance at stimulating my body.
As a result. I have decided to become a Nun.
Not really but, I am sure you understand what I am saying.
It is like learning how to walk again. Letting my soft side come out (if there actually one in there) and letting someone else take the lead. I laughed out loud just thinking about that. Wish me luck. I really probably am not even ready for all that yet. Lets just see what happens. If I can embrace a softer side of me.
Desires can be as clean or dirty as you want them to. They are specific to each individual.
We can desire for our children to do the dishes with out having a heart attack - we can desire for our partners to just know what we are thinking for once!
As I began on my journey it has taken me this long to start thinking about what my desires were, and to be honest when I first started - all I could come up with was what I did not want.
I had to begin to start to think about what I did want ~
I enjoy time by myself so, I desire autonomy.
The sexiest part of person is the level of conversation they can hold, I desire intellect.
So far I have described a long distance telephone relationship. I think its a start.
But seriously - ask yourself, what do YOU desire. If you know - ask yourself if you are getting it, and if you don't know ask yourself what it would take to get it! bommmchikkawowooow
Despite the large group of us that say we don't need or want anything. We do. Its human nature. I have always been a motivator pushing people to raise their standards, to push themselves to raise their personal bar. The other day I stopped and thought when has someone ever inspired me to raise my bar?
This survivalist attitude that I have had all of my life has pushed me to a point where I do not allow someone to inspire me. It is difficult for me to let someone in to the point where they can push me to raise my bar.
So, I discovered that I desire - someone that will motivate ME to raise MY bar.
Notice for a moment - my desires are all psychological/emotional. That is because the physical side for me is 100% driven by the mental. If you can not stimulate my mind - you will not have a chance at stimulating my body.
As a result. I have decided to become a Nun.
Not really but, I am sure you understand what I am saying.
It is like learning how to walk again. Letting my soft side come out (if there actually one in there) and letting someone else take the lead. I laughed out loud just thinking about that. Wish me luck. I really probably am not even ready for all that yet. Lets just see what happens. If I can embrace a softer side of me.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
hi!
Its time for tea, its time for me.
9:07 pm......Bitty is in bed, homework is done (across the board - hers and mine). The second job has commenced and I don't hate it - I enjoy the music and the guests, however I don't really know how I feel about my coworkers.
I think there is a stark contrast between my real life and my restaurant life, life in the financial institution is a bit more rigid and organized - life in the service field is kind of crazy and aloof. We opened while being SEVERELY understaffed to accommodate the business and availability. There has already been 100% turn over for the bar and the busser.............its fiiiiiiiiine. Really.
Every shift its like meeting a new friend because that person wasn't there the time before. The only thing is I am constantly having to reintroduce myself to people. OH Hi yes, my name is - who are you? When did you start? TONIGHT OMG great welcome to the team! (whispering please don't quit)
I know I left you hanging for a bit there last month but I promise I will get back on track and you can hear and read all about my antics.
Tomorrow we are going to talk about DESIRES!
Don't miss it.
-daydreamer
9:07 pm......Bitty is in bed, homework is done (across the board - hers and mine). The second job has commenced and I don't hate it - I enjoy the music and the guests, however I don't really know how I feel about my coworkers.
I think there is a stark contrast between my real life and my restaurant life, life in the financial institution is a bit more rigid and organized - life in the service field is kind of crazy and aloof. We opened while being SEVERELY understaffed to accommodate the business and availability. There has already been 100% turn over for the bar and the busser.............its fiiiiiiiiine. Really.
Every shift its like meeting a new friend because that person wasn't there the time before. The only thing is I am constantly having to reintroduce myself to people. OH Hi yes, my name is - who are you? When did you start? TONIGHT OMG great welcome to the team! (whispering please don't quit)
I know I left you hanging for a bit there last month but I promise I will get back on track and you can hear and read all about my antics.
Tomorrow we are going to talk about DESIRES!
Don't miss it.
-daydreamer
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