Then She Broke

Most of you have seen me taking on more and more. Filling my plate until it runneth over and not in a good way!

I found myself drowning in the work load that I kept piling on myself pushing through and through to the next level. next assignment, next meeting, project - goal. then:

FACE TO THE CEMENT.

My anxiety levels increased and my exhaustion increased. The patience and passion that used to pour from my skin and heart ran dry. I woke up with hives and the lack of desire to put in another day. I texted to prepare for my mental health day and I absolutely UNPLUGGED.

My heart was searching high and low for whatever was causing my soul to be in unrest. No matter what I couldnt find it. I thought that maybe i needed a drink - a change in scenery surrounding - art - smells anything that could provoke this moment of "EUREKA that's the problem!"

Nothing.

I could not reach the depths of what ever sent my world in a spin. Saturday came and I was moving furniture and working up a sweat trying to work through still what weighed me down. I stood in a room listening to music wanting only to let down my guard and drink. drink until i could see the darkness that was clouding my goals.

I wanted to dance and be reckless I wanted to fight the angels and submit to the devils delight.... I could see myself getting in trouble and causing trouble where ever my sparkle left its trail. Forcing myself to sit down and look again and what lies in front of me. Reevaluating my need to be set free and unrestricted. To let go of my standards and protections that I have in place. As my heart began to slow my body started to call for rest. Wandering into my bed I snuggled deep into the blankets and off to sleep my body drift.

The next day didn't offer much in peace............but here i go pushing on

~day dreamer