After 6 years of no contact, I see a post of my now 12 year old niece.
Missing Girl:
12 year old florida girl missing since.....
My initial reaction is NO FUCKING WAY! I closed my app and reopened it to see her smiling face. I reread the post and immediately called the owner of the post to see what was going on. His breakdown of the events scared me. I told him I wanted to be kept in the loop - and that I would try to get a hold of my brother whom I have not talked too since the birthday after my father died.
I got off the phone and stood in the middle of the store with my mind spinning of all the possibilities and the uncertainty of being out of state, out of touch and out of control. I called a friend of my brothers and immediately begged for a way to get a hold of him. My explanation of the circumstances was enough to get a phone number. With the phone in my hand I was unsure of how to dial it. As if suddenly my tech savvy self was disoriented and clueless.
My first attempt was a direct dial - it went to voicemail, I left a message - then I sent a follow up text.
Jesenia is missing, Please call Bianca.
Simple short and about all that I could get out considering the length of time between my last correspondence with him. Not so much as a "k" or "idc" or "go fuck yourself" I cant say as I am surprised, but I was definitely disappointed.
45 minutes later I received a missed call from florida. I called it back and an eerie voice answered - it took less than 2 words from that person for me to identify the voice of the person on the other end. My body seemed to explode with rage and bewilderment.
"How did you get my number?"
- Gabe asked me to call, whats going on?
"What? I don't even know how I feel about talking to you right now!"
-Well it can go 2 ways, I can help or not you choose
"Considering I am in New York state and he is there in florida, he has a bit more stretch than me - he should be man enough to call Bianca directly, yet here YOU are calling ME!"
-I don't even know who this is,
"Of course you dont......."
As the rage began to make its way to my throat and voice I hung up. My anger and attitude was prepared to rake this woman over the coals of hell. My need for peace interjected and disconnected before I made myself sick.
This demon was the woman who shared beds with married men, with family members - who allowed minors to drink in her presence - the same woman who stood between my fathers funeral and I, telling me that I was not welcomed there - but that she would sell me a rubber bracelet in memorium of my father. The same demon who listed herself as my fathers fiance, though they were never engaged, listed my mother his EX WIFE as a "close relative" her two children and me absolute dead last and children of my father in is distasteful obituary.
Every cell in my body wanted to scale up and down her with the damage that she had infected upon everyone she came in contact with, like a lethal virus killing you from the inside out until like my father there was nothing but ash left. My better judgement won. I hung up the phone with a racing heart and a shaking hand with only tears welling in my eyes.
From that very moment my whole focus was off. I couldn't think straight, my attitude went from free spirited to completely jaded. I sent a MF text to my brother shaming him for giving her my number and not handling this differently.
Close people to me were not surprised, but can they understand how disappointed I am? The expectation was that we would snap out of our bubbles of hurt and band together - because no matter what WE had been through - that little girl was more important than that. She deserved better, from ALL OF US. As per the usual - my cape was on, and I stood there with it waving in the chaos - by myself - exposed to the pain, once again.
Seeking peace......
